I've been in Utah now for ten days. It's always interesting to return to Utah Valley and see what's changed and what has remained the same beneath it all. I am surprised how familiar the streets and houses are. How formative this place was to me.

We camped near Moab for a couple days. Frequent thunderstorms (rare, but welcome) brought relief to the incredible heat. Red rock walls, long dusty roads. Beautiful and powerful. Meaningless and yet so meaningful. I realized why I want to retreat into a rural hermitage. I realized that without people around, I find life meaningful. I see meaning in its very meaninglessness. Trees, streams, hills, rocks in themselves are valuable and wonderful. Nothing more lies beneath, but nothing more is needed. People, on the other hand, remind me of the shallowness of our human society. How many arbitrary customs and beliefs control us. How little all that we strive for matters. I want a home deep in nature, where friends are made welcome and the bonds of that friendship are worth more than Walmart's profits.

I've also grappled with my youth for the first time in poetry. This poem is hot off the presses, so I have no idea how good it is. But I think it struck down into me and pulled up something I needed to say. For that alone, I value it. I hope it's not too shabby as a poem, too.

On My Mormon Upbringing Utah Valley Revisited

The rocky peak of Timpanogos rules
the valley (where each year more houses spread
in stuccoed testament to fruitful people).

Directions here are given not as right
& left, but east, west, north or south, because
Timp's rocky peak is there to anchor the way.

Generations ago my family came
put shoulder to the wheel & carved a home
both for now & for eternity to come.

Their gardens (grown from dust) were fed by faith;
their straight streets (sprung from a practical bent)
ran like a checkerboard north-south, east-west.

& all in all, they made a world in their
image. The flaming swords of seraphim
punished the idle, while work was rewarded.

They did this through faith, for a faithless world.
They did this in hope, for glory in death,
for purpose, direction. They did this for me.

But I turned my back on the mountain peak,
the harsh desert & works that raised fields there.
I left the enormity of my youth
& found a world where dew can drop with thunder.