New teams in American professional sports have the most pathetic names possible. I don't know whether if in their quest to offend no group the names are toothless, or if time and familiarity has turned otherwise meaningless names into something grander than the sum of their syllables, but the plain fact is news team names suck. Most of the time they sound like elementary school mascots. (I went to Barrett Elementary where Barrett Bobcats worked and learned, we kept our standards high! It's from our school song, which I still remember.)

But it can't just familiarity that breeds acceptance, since foreign teams have cool names I am not familiar with. I'm sure you're all familiar with the ever popular Nippon Ham Fighters, and maybe even the Culiacán Tomato Growers, but it turns out the Mexican Winter League is chock-full of good names. If the Expos (another stupid name that time hasn't improved) move to D.C. I hope they change their name to something like the Washington Political Hacks, Washington Poll Takers, or Washington Blowhards.