Connect the Dots & Paint by Numbers

Lately, I've made connections between several things I've been reading, my own thoughts, & conversations with Melina that have had a mood altering effect on me. I wanted to write up a coherent narrative that would cleverly explain my new view of old things, but laziness has got the better of me. Instead, I will insert the fragments that pass for thoughts I've managed so far & will try to flesh out the picture as I go on. How long will I draw comfort from this? I don't know, but it works pretty well right now, so here's hoping... The problem in the end is that usefulness others can draw from it will rarely corresponds to mine. Or I might even seem naïve or willfully ignorant...


3 December 2003

Dwell on death & you reject the infinity behind. There is an end to all times, & death seems to be that end. But I want to live before then; I want to live as if death will not come. I hope when my time comes, I hopethe day before even, I'll plan a trip or buy food for a meal I'll never eat.

Instead of dwelling on the end, I'll dwell on the present as it happens. & when all is still, the infinitely divisible past stretchs back like a highway with many destinations happy, sad, plain...